Everything I'm Not
by cherrichan13
Summary: Another Akito story!


**Everything I'm Not**

Akito reclined into the leather seat of the car, stretching his legs out luxuriously. Hatori slid in next to him, pulling the door shut. The car pulled away from the curb of the high school and was soon filled with a stony silence. Akito looked over at Hatori, watching him carefully. The doctor stared straight ahead, making no attempt to talk to Akito.

_Oh, dear, he's mad at me._

"Now, wasn't that a fun trip to the high school, Hatori?" Akito asked happily. "Yuki was especially surprised to see me. I don't think he ever expected me to actually come to his school." Akito chuckled to himself, still watching Hatori attentively. He watched as a storm brewed in Hatori's eyes, a storm of anger, pity, and sadness. Hatori turned to Akito, his face perfectly calm even as the turmoil swirled in his eyes.

"Akito," he said, slowly, calmly, "You shouldn't have gone to that school. Those kids-Yuki, Haru, Momiji, even Kyo- deserve a chance to live their own lives. If you had just asked, they would have come and visited you."

"_That monstrous cat_ is not my concern," Akito snapped back. "And besides, I can do whatever I want. I wanted to go visit Yuki, so I did. I wanted to meet that pathetic girl everybody is talking about, that Tohru Honda. What a letdown. There's nothing special about her; she's not even pretty. She's so ugly."

Hatori turned away from Akito again, his jaw set, a muscle jumping in his cheek. He crossed his arms and looked out the window, lost in his own world. Akito felt like laughing and crying at the same time.

_All I wanted was a little attention,_ Akito thought desperately to herself. She turned to her own window, watching her surroundings blur past her unfocused eyes. She wondered if she really had done the right thing, going to go see Yuki, going to go find out just who exactly this Tohru person was. Why was she so special, anyway? What did everybody see in her? Just because she was pretty, and she was kind, and she was willing to do everything for everybody. They all thought _that girl_ was the angel, and Akito was the dark, evil, tyrannical overlord. Nobody had ever given Akito a chance.

_They would all think differently if I was a girl. They would all think _I _was beautiful, and they would all be on their knees begging me to let them help me. I wouldn't have to wrangle and manipulate to get everything I want. I might even still have the rooster instead of just its empty shell. They would really love me, not just love me because they have to._

Akito turned back to Hatori, tears weaving their way down her face. "Hatori?" she whimpered. Hatori turned away from the window, surprise and worry etched into his face. It had been years since he had seen Akito cry.

"Akito?" he asked, undoing his seat belt and sliding over to pull her into his arms. "Akito, what's wrong?"

"Hatori," Akito sniffled, "Why don't Yuki and the others love me?"

"Of course they love you, Akito," Hatori responded automatically, robotically. "We all love you."

"Empty words," she snapped back, her anger and desperation beginning to seep through. "They don't want to love me. The animals inside them love the god inside me. It's not real. Not like the way you love me. They just put up with me because they have to." Akito pulled away and crossed her arms, staring ahead defiantly.

"They just don't understand you," Hatori reassured her. "You just live in a different world than they do. They just think they owe you more respect than love, that's all."

"So they can find it in their hearts to love _that girl?_" Akito retorted condescendingly. "I'm prettier than her, I'm kinder than her, I love them more than her, and I'm a part of the zodiac. Why doesn't she go waste her time somewhere else? This is _my _zodiac. Go let some other guys tell her how _special _and _pretty_ she is, but not mine."

"She's not trying to compete with you," Hatori whispered, still shocked by Akito's outburst. "She's just trying to do the best she can to love those kids. She wants to make everyone happy, including you, Akito."

"If she wants to make me happy, she can _leave._ I don't want her here, taking my family away from me. I love them more than _she _does. She has friends; let them take care of her. My zodiac members are all I've got. She has her freedom, her friends, her _femininity…_just GO!" Akito was screaming now, tears pouring from her eyes. "JUST GO LIVE YOUR LIFE, BE HAPPY, LEAVE US ALONE!! WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO STAY HERE, ANYWAY? IF YOU CAN LEAVE, LIVE A REAL LIFE, BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, HAVE PEOPLE LOVE YOU FOR WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE…WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO STAY SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU HAVE TO WORK TO GET PEOPLE TO LOVE YOU? DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE LAYING AT YOUR FINGERTIPS? TAKE IT! LEAVE US AND GO!"

The car rolled to a stop in front of Akito's prison. Her maid was waiting at the door, waving. "Welcome home, Akito-san!" The maid called cheerfully when Akito had dragged herself from the car. Is there anything I can get for you? Is there anything I can do for you, Akito-san?"

Akito brushed past the maid coldly without saying a word. She stomped up the stairs of the house and into her room, slamming the rice screen behind her. The maid's smile faltered and she turned towards Hatori. "Is everything okay, Hatori-san? She asked, noticing the troubled look on his face. "Can I get anything for you?"

Hatori glanced at the maid absent-mindedly, distracted from his thoughts. "No, no, I'm fine," he answered quickly. "I'm just thinking, that's all. I don't suggest disturbing Akito for a little while." He strode away towards his private quarters, never looking back.

Akito watched him go from the window of her room, the tears still falling.


End file.
